Please steal my luggage!

       I hate my fucking luggage, and I won't apologize for the expletive. I reached my physical and emotional limit yesterday while trying to schlepp my bags from the Netherlands to Britain. Between Bryan and I there was one bag in excess of fifty pounds, two large duffels which weigh about thirty pounds each, a purse, a man-bag, a grocery bag full of things that wouldn't fit in the other bags, and two dog bags each containing a dog. There is no way I can continue on with this amount of stuff, short of hiring a sherpa and his accompanying pack animal (llama? Alpaca?).

       Things barely held together along the way. The handles of the shopping bag started to stretch out and threatened to break, spilling fancy European dog food, bottles of vitamins and sundry items all over the train. One of my bags is barking continuously, the other snarls at anyone who gets too close. Of course we get off at the wrong train station. When we finally get to the ferry terminal we are scolded for being late and forced to run up the world's longest concourse. Just as we're on the home stretch the immense weight of my bag causes the wheels to buckle and break and I have to drag the wreck the rest of the way.

       If someone stole my bag I wouldn't be super upset. I would just try to forget about it's contents and move on with my life. When I got to London I decided to go through the bags and figure out what I can get rid of. I looked, and there's nothing. I seriously need everything in there. Or at least I think I do. I wish I could be more minimalist, and maybe this is a girl thing, but I gather and protect things like a female bird building a nest. Having a single nail polish is not sufficient, I need a few different colors, a top coat, a file, clippers, glitter. One or two lipsticks should be fine but I can't possibly live without a few glosses, several balms, chap-stick, a stain or two. Why bring one eye shadow when I can have every possible permutation of the color brown?

       Bryan doesn't understand why I need more than one pair of shoes. I've tried to explain to him that every occasion requires its own variety of shoe. I need flats, boots, heels, and running shoes in case I decide to run (LOL). Besides, his shoes are so big they practically take up a whole bag.

       Anyway, I guess my whole point is that I would like to learn to live with less. To that end I've decided to mentally recall yesterday's horrific luggage related hardships every time I go shopping. Today I went to Boots to just have a look. I bought a face towel, some lotion, and three bottles of hand sanitizer because...germs. I officially will never learn.

       Pictured below: the contents of my barking bag. This picture does not accurately represent the chaos of the occasion.